Brutal honesty
Excuse my saying so, but the past week - as in the past seven days - has been one long disappointment. I try very hard to do things the way I want, but instead, everything I take in the poop. There, I said it. But, well, I mean it. It's just like for all the world forces working against me and does everything in his power that I'm not going to enjoy my Christmas break. I've always had a lot of self-irony. Without self-irony, I had probably been seriously depressed, suicidal certainly an idea too, because I need to laugh it off when I'm shitting me out. The list of less proud moments in my life is getting quite long by 21.5 years, to put it that way. And I have laughed a lot about myself this week too, I have laughed so much that tears are splashing and I have rolled off the chair, but it somehow did not help. There is little that can make up for all the elendigheta here. I can not bother going into detail, it is too private, and it is not necessary anyway. Let's just say it so that this week I have put up several new world records in shitting me out, along with that I generally just do not get to anything of what I try. I'm more than a little tired of destroying everything for myself, and it's pretty ridiculous, but this is Thursday today, and I still have much to fill severe anxiety from Saturday. What I perhaps had the most use for, is that someone hugged me from behind and told me that "It is going well, Stina. We love you even if you occasionally behave mildly retarded, it's just charming. Relax, we still love you. " But I have not someone to hold me from behind.
like that, out of the system, complete with the case thanks for me. I'm not mad long / long sad / whatever, thanks and praise for it. It helps to write it out, and it helps that I have spent the day today to hear Skunk Anansie high as I have read all Quiet days of Mixing Party by Erlend Loe (read it, and you!). And it helps that yesterday I was with Dessie, and we laughed at me until we cried, both of them. Besides, it's a damn confidence boost to see the photos Dessie took of me yesterday, and to hear feedback from the class has given her.
(This is so honest that I hardly dare to post it, but I still do.)
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