Another day finished then.
I can not stand to be idle, feel pain throughout the body and are so constantly tired ... Moreover, I still do not keep sexual daydreams out of my head - how hard I try (but I believe in the idea that I ovulate today so there could explain it). I wonder why, when I have studied and been (too) busy, I have really good measurements. Thought I was different. Like other way around. Has never thought that I was the one who wanted things to do all the time, it was then that I would feel good. But, I felt not good goals in the past when I was idle ... So why not? A whole new world opens up for me, lots of opportunities. If not I need peace and quiet as can be I really do anything. If life is full of chaos and stress makes me happy - bring it on.
It's actually really sad to not go to school. There I was one. Here at home I'm just the same old self. An 'I' I do not feel comfortable with. I often feel like nobody listens to me when I speak, especially at home with family. Nothing wrong with them, perhaps wrong of me, above all, they are well accustomed to, I'll take it. I can sit and talk about something when someone just stop to say something to someone else, which may lead to a whole new conversation. And then I sit there, with words that must not leave my mouth. Stocks in my throat and wait. And I'm sitting there so nicely and waiting. Sometimes I go on, not unlikely, then on my own initiative. But I hate it. Why can not I say to be important? Or perhaps most of all: why can not I get be important?
Between Children like to argue that they have the hardest ... Many agree with them and it may well have to continue. But they do not know what it is like to be the youngest. An older siblings rarely see in a young and think that they would like to be like that. A younger sibling looks all the time on their legacy and try to imitate, emulate and be as good. For my part, did it, and certainly in many other cases. One can just be yourself, try to imitate someone else you become a poor copy and never superior to the original. It is also difficult to "beat" some that are perfect. Yes, I'm really envious of my siblings. Always has been. I do not know them so I do not know either, but they seem to have a good and happy. Moreover, they are still together with their child's other parent ... Failure on my part again?
And their children are healthy ... Most jealous maybe I'm on it ... (I love and adore my nieces and nephews, it is not.)
In Säter I am someone else. I get really good grades. I have people around me who do not know me from before, do not know how great my family is and therefore can not compare me with them. It's that new opportunity I have waited so long. At last I managed to something! Then you can discuss how difficult it is to get good grades in these subjects, some would surely argue that it is the world's easiest thing to learn to nurse. As a dad. He has not understood, it shows. Probably do not know even know what a nurse is ... Does anyone know anyway? I sit and is so damn proud of I know what an important profession there is. If you say assistant to someone, will it automatically to a person beds beds and clears the creek? (It need no education, I would say.) The immensely broad knowledge we need for it is we who are closest to the patient and must to report (for example) if we notice any significant change, whether an "ordinary person" understands this vital change? It can be so unobtrusive that it does not register themselves on arrival. Important knowledge ...
I am important. I'm there.
Now I'm completely out of it I would write about. Does it take imorn instead. Is this cutie who is snoring beside me.
But now I sleep. Sweet dreams!
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